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The Bang Bang Theories

Probably Long Enough for a Hanging, Though.

Seinfeld-ians, you know the episode where the bad-breaker-upper tells Elaine she has a big head, far too big for her body, and then she obsesses about her ginormously disproportionate head and a bird even runs into it? 

I had my big-head moment yesterday. 

At the hands of my massage therapist, no less (ah, clever pun usage here, check the box in my favor!).

Now, I have discovered the BEST massage therapist in all the land. If you’re local, you really should go and see her. Really. But Saturday, while she was giving me a little neck/shoulder work she commented that it was more difficult because, “You have a short neck.”  

A short neck?? I have a short neck?? It’s a shortcoming I wasn’t even aware I had until she – a person who obviously knows her way around a multitude of necks – pointed it out to me. 

I laid there and obsessed about my short neck, and how it probably makes me look squatty and even more big-boobied because now my head is so much closer to my chest than it is for normal folk. 

And then? She mentioned it AGAIN! And I said, “Hm, how short is it in comparison to other necks??” and she demonstrated how difficult it is to work her fist in between my head and shoulders because of my FREAKISHLY SHORT NECK! 

She didn’t actually call it “freakishly” – and then went on to explain how some people are short-waisted, some people are long-legged – I just happen to be short-necked.

WTF, Reader. As if I didn’t have enough strikes in the “Against Me” pile with this body. Now? I’m cursed with a short neck that I never even knew I had. 

I never really have liked anything up tight around my neck, I’d always figured it was because I was hanged in a past life. It’s more likely just because it makes me feel claustrophobic, due to a spacing issue. 

So I’ve been laying about doing neck elongation moves, hoping to Swan myself up a little bit.

Life really isn’t fair. Some people get all the good long necks out there.  

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