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The Bang Bang Theories

Tingles in the Nether-Regions

This is the reason I go through all that effort to put up my Christmas Tree. I made myself laugh at the “all that effort” part, but you get my drift. This is why I had Kenny carry the tree up from the basement, clean off the table, hang twelve bulbs and plug it in:

Notice how Twinkle uses his little paw as a pillow – it doesn’t get any cuter than this! Except in person, then it’s even cuter.

Throughout the cold and blowy Sunday he has just rearranged himself ‘neath the tree, settling into a new nap. Not much different than what the Big Cats (me & Kenny) are doing today, except I adjust myself periodically in my most comfortable recliner and Kenny is in his spot on the couch. He’s working off his drunkfest hangover today, but that’s another blog.

It’s now or never for filling out my Christmas cards, so I have finally gotten some of them done, ready for mailing in the morn. I am disappointed to discover that I did not create a database with all my addresses from prior years, so it’s been catch-as-catch-can with it. I think I have them somewhere in the backroom, but that is really going to take a lot of effort to locate. I’ll go give it a cursory glance this afternoon, see if I can find a few others.

There were a few roadblocks to Chrismas-Card-Sendery (I just made that up! It’s my new thing, to make up words and/or phrases with the hopes to have them become commonplace and one day make it into Merriman-Websters). First, our (by “our” I mean my workplace) cards SUCK this year. I struggled to find something that I found appealing…which based on the shit I just threw out from my cube cleaning mission, I may have been looking for something in a stained doily format with a hen house and wooden sunflower….But I digress with self-mockery. I am a traditionalist, but not in the religious sense. I like Santas and Snowmen and glittery shiny cards. Not all graphic and trendy looking, either – I want the Norman Rockwell scene. It’s the direct opposite of what my Christmas is anymore, so I guess I like to just depict a fantasy Christmas with my cards. I almost bought some from Paper Magic, but Kenny shamed me, and I finally found something suitable with a glittery friendly Santa. Not ideal, but suitable for sending.

Another challenge I wrestled with was determining whether to include a newsletter or not. I blog my life outloud, what more is there to say? I decided no one wants to read all about it, if they did they’d read this nonsense, so why junk up their mail with a letter all about my shenanigans. I did a vacation pictures collage for those who I know don’t read the blog (aunts and uncles and such), they’ll get that and get to drool with envy over my Fabulous Life. Isn’t that the whole point – “Hey! Look HOW MUCH FUN I HAD!! How FANTASTIC my life has been!!” Well, maybe that’s not the point, but I’m sure not going to send pictures where my clothes are too tight cause I ate too much this past year, had a stress-filled acne breakout and a DIY hair disaster, etc. Now that might make the best newsletter idea EVER. Recap some shittiness of the year, throw in a few made-up words, and give ’em a few pictures to mock which will make ’em feel better about themselves. “Well, Juliette, I know we didn’t have the best year of our lives, but did you read about that Baldwin Girl’s crap-ass year?? And look at the pictures, if you think she’s kidding! At least we’re not that bad off!” See how much people would enjoy that? And they do say it’s better to give than to receive…

Despite these roadblocks, I will be sending out my cards. Gotta support the teams (my postal employee friends and my own bread & butter). Race to your mailboxes on Tuesday, there will be Joy and Glad Tidings inside.

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