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The Bang Bang Theories

Doing the Skedaddle

Jeezus Christ, it’s been a wild ride of a weekend! Saturday, finding ourselves at loose ends we decided to take advantage of some concert tickets & free room up in Windsor. Really, that’s what we thought sounded like a good idea – what the fuck is wrong with us?? Said only half wonderingly, I KNOW good and well what’s wrong with us – we need to find another hobby or learn to be happy just sitting around at home. But we’re not, oh no sirree, we must be On The Go at all times.

Long weekend story short, we went to leave around noonish on Sunday and the valet announced my car wouldn’t start. My first thought was that they had somehow left the lights on and it would be resolved with a quick jump and we’d be on our way. Nope. The battery terminals were corroded like crazy. I had to use my “free” Lexus Roadside Assistance program and put the calls into motion. Luckily they were able to take care of things even out of the country, but the best they could do on a Sunday was tow ‘er to the nearest Lexus dealership and await a diagnosis on Monday morning.

Bruce the Transportation Supervisor at Windsor was In Charge of the whole operation. I formed a very quick and dirty-minded crush on him. He was tall and in command, with a clean-cut hairdo and he wore sunglasses even in the shade. One of the valets informed me he was ex-military, which explained his take charge persona. Bruce helped us get situated with another room for the night, wrote a note for the dealership, directed the tow truck around and told me to go back up to my room and not worry about it, he’d take care of it all for me and let me know when it was settled. So I did just that.

Since we found ourselves there unexpectedly for an extra day we were rather at loose ends. Kenny was disappointed because it was going to be his first Football Sunday with his new Direct TV $400 football package. Instead he watched the game from his 37″ t.v. in our hotel room. Still quite comfortable, but not the same experience he had hoped for. Good thing I always threaten to go check out the pool and pack my swimsuit with me – because I finally had the opportunity to make good on that threat. I suited up and headed down to the pool area, it’s quite lovely in a windowed solarium and there was about 4 other people in there. I had the thing practically to myself. I swam around and hung out on the edge of the pool reading a new book, then sauna-ed and whatnot-ed for a few hours. It was relaxing and I felt good getting in a little bit of exercise. Might as well make the most of it, there’s far worse places that my two year old fucking Lexus could have broken down…

After pooling and dry heating myself up, I went back to the room and was going to head down to the casino for a little bit of extra gaming action, but instead was so engrossed in the book I was reading that I couldn’t tear myself away. I stayed in the room and read for hours, finally heading down to find Kenny around 11 p.m. or so. He was doing pretty good, playing some video poker, and I watched him play for a while and recapped the book for him – I’m sure he was delighted. We called it a night around 1:00 a.m. I of course had to pick up the book again, however, and determined I couldn’t put it down until I was done so I was up reading til 4 a.m. Best book I’ve ever read. I promised Kenny I’d stop talking about it after today, as he got a full re-cap, which included my reading excerpts aloud to him on the drive home. He was actually pretty interested in the whole thing – or he politely feigned interest to humor me.

Anyway, as you’ve gathered, we made it home. They had the car fixed around noon today and the Lexus Shuttle came and picked us up. The dude at the dealership who replaced the battery terminals told me he’d never seen anything quite like that on a 2 year old Lexus and that I should really lay into my dealership who’s been servicing my car – they should have seen that during one of my $90 oil changes (which was only a couple thousand miles ago). So they’re on my to-call-and-bitch-out list.

All-in-all, it was a painless inconvenience. Another free night at the hotel, swimming around, a free meal, free towing service, shuttle to the dealership, and a no-charge to fix the problem as it’s under warranty. And of course there was the dealing with Foxy Bruce the security dude, which led to a little role-playing during some sexual shenanigans in between swimming and reading. Kenny didn’t even mind being called Bruce, as long as it was his wiener getting the action. Men are all just pretty basic that way. Food, sex, football = call me whatever you want.

Luckily for me I had a light work schedule as I was unexpectedly off. Good thing it wasn’t Tuesday, I have my Toastmasters contest which I am in charge of running. So with that, I must run and bake cupcakes for my Nerd Club event, check my emails and google the author of that book so I can send her a love letter. By the way, the book is called The Glass Castle. Get it, read it and we can sit around and talk about it. Kenny will thank you for taking it off his hands.

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