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The Bang Bang Theories

I’m Just Missing the Uniform

With the amount of guilt I feel all. the. time. Reader, you’d think I was raised as a Catholic.

I wasn’t, but I’ve got the Good Guilt from some influence.

When I’m swimming around in the pool all weekend, I’m feeling guilty for not writing – either a book, a story, a screenplay, an idea down – whatever, I feel guilty about it.

I feel guilty when I’m sitting here writing and letting a perfectly good sunshiny pool go to waste. Despite the fact that I’ve been floating around in it on and off all weekend.

When I get home from work too late, I feel guilty for leaving Purry alone for so long. Except she’s a cat, and is perfectly fine, and oh, p.s., she was alone a lot in Ohio when I was working, too. But I still feel badly because I’m all she has here, and that has obligations attached.

I feel badly if I miss commenting on an event that I see on Facebook. Mostly birthdays, but people who are sick, or obits. I’m never quite sure what to say on FB for an obit. I mean, “sorry” just doesn’t feel strong enough on FB, so then I do the worse thing, which is to say nothing. This is no reflection on YOU, Reader – if you’re a good messenger, keep on it and I’m jealous, I just am sometimes lame about it.

Last night while at the Walmart – which, I have to mention has a STREET named after it in Deland, complete with its very own Wal*Mart street sign! and I cannot even believe I was Responsible and didn’t photograph that while I was driving just to show you! – I decided it was a perfectly good time to resolve some of that “sorry I missed your birthday on Facebook!” guilt and instead I’ve decided to swoop you up in a giant net of confetti and powered sugar and wishes and bought me you a cake!

It’s a cake for US, Reader, but only I get to eat it. Unless you come to Deland right now, then you can share in your celebration.

So yes, I am assuaging my guilt over perhaps having missed the opportunity to tell you Happy B-day on Facebook, Reader, by buying – and eating – a cake.

All because I heart you, Reader. Truly. Don’t let my lack of Facebook sentiments have you thinking otherwise.

I’m thinking of you while I eat it right now.

And it’s the thought that counts.

Shew-ie, I’m feeling lighter because the weight of that guilt is lifting!

One thing I’m coming quick to realize in the FL vs OH scoreboard tally is that while it may not seem excessively warm inside, it takes just a moment for frosting to slide right off a cake.

Everything needs refrigerated.

Happy September Birthdays, and also probably July and August Birthdays, too, and I will probably miss yours in October, so let’s just consider this an all encompassing cake or I will be forced to buy another next month to celebrate you, and while I’m not opposed to that, this cake really wasn’t all that great, but if I’m forced to eat it again, I will. Because I love you that much.

Happy B-Days. Now stop guilting me.

I’m still left with the need to figure out how to express my very sincere condolences over losses on FB. I wonder if there’s a sympathy cake I can eat for that.

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