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The Bang Bang Theories

Formal Wear

You guys, my littlest wandering kitten has been missing for 5 days now.  I hadn’t mentioned it because my thoughts are if I don’t type it out loud, it’s not really happening.  Because that’s how the energy of the Universe works.

I’ve been practicing “visioning” wherein I close my eyes and focus really super duper hard on “seeing” him standing on the front stoop waiting to be let inside.

We’ve driven to the streets behind the ravine, calling “kitty kitty” and hoping to avoid seeing tufted mashed black fur on the road.

I know he should be a dedicated “indoor only” cat. I’ve always ever only had indoor-only cats. But his heart wants what his heart wants, and it involves chasing and running and being nosy outdoors.

It’s a risk agreement we’ve entered into, and just keep hoping for the best.

Two nights ago I even insisted My Mister take the little garden St. Francis statue and sit him up straight against a tree while I said some sort of  novena – is a novena even the right right religious word? – well, regardless if it is or isn’t, I was novena-ing to the high heavens and willing Gussy to come back home where he belongs.

Finally, last night I made the decision to turn the front porch light off. Yes, until all the kids are back inside, I leave the front porch light on as their lighthouse beacon. I know it only comforts me, but since I pay the electric bill I don’t have to ask for permission to indulge myself.

I clicked off the light, heavily signed and declared I think this time is it, he’s not coming home.

And then sometime in the middle of the night I got up out of bed and went and turned the light back on. Because mama’s boy isn’t home, and dammit the light is staying on.

This morning, there was no miracle return of my prodigal son.  See, I know religious things, Reader – don’t think I’m an outright heathen! I know returning son stories and have a St. Francis statue (right next to my Buddah, we’re all-inclusive around here – well, maybe not all, but we’re a lot of inclusive around here) and I’m saying novenas.

You’d think with all that going on, our boy would surely show up.

Well, you’d be RIGHT, Reader!! My Mister was chatting up the neighbors tonight and mentioned to the group that we’re still looking for Gussy.

The newest neighbor in the hood blanched when he mentioned we haven’t seen him since last Thursday. He stuttered, “Uh..wha??”

Long story longer, apparently he thought the feral cat who hangs out sometimes suddenly became nice and catch-able and he hauled him to the APL and turned him in.

MM high-tailed it to the APL and then called me. He just wasn’t 100% sure “Tuxedo” was our little black cat. I told him to let me Facetime the cat, I’d be able tell from a few of his distinctions, including a tuft of hair missing between his shoulder blades from his flea application (check!), how the hair is a slightly different color down by his tail (check!!), and then I told him to let me see his pants, because I’m quite familiar with his sparse-haired tummy (check!!!).

Much like an online dating profile, his photos and his write up doesn’t quite showcase his cuteness.  Luckily for us.

He started purring LOUDLY when Kenny picked him up, and his disposition is a bit on the fed-up side, which is good and probably kept him from getting re-homed.

The neighbor at least kindly pre-paid for an adoption fee for him when he dropped him off, so we don’t have to pay to get our kitty back.  However, it was past adoption hours tonight so he’s sitting for one more night in his jail.

There’s a few lessons that can be learned from this story.

1/ Novenas and praying to false statues must work

2/ If you know your neighbor has a cat, maybe check with them before taking the suddenly-friendly feral cat named “Tuxedo” to the APL

3/ I’m a little annoyed that this particular neighbor didn’t say something when he’s had to have heard me calling for Gussy, night after night

4/ Will i ever be able to politely wave to these neighbors again??

5/ I know there are way way way worse pet neighbors than mine – some even shoot your damn dog with a bb gun (yes, that’s a true thing that happened to my cousin)

6/ We, as his mama and daddy, are responsible for him not staying in the house, but I don’t like being his Ariel Castro – if he wants some fresh air and sunshine, what right do I have to deny his freedom

7/ I know he’s a cat, and I have every right to deny his freedom

8/ I still can’t deny his freedom

9/ I think he’ll be getting a microchip shortly

10/ The good news is, he’s all caught up on his shots now

11/ What kinda idiot thinks his markings are that of a “tuxedo”??? I mean. Good. Lord.

12/ He’s now listed as “pending adoption” by the people who own him, which is just a crazy game that we have to formally adopt him

13/ As they say, alls well that ends well.

I think I’ll leave the light on just for one more night, to let The Universe know he belongs back home and we’re waiting.



2 thoughts on “Formal Wear

  1. Am so glad your kitty is home! Collar and microchip please! I know how hard it is to have an indoor outdoor cat but once they have been outdoor cats you are right they need to be outdoor cats. I was told to put their kitty litter outside – I did t do it because we have so many feral cats in the neighborhood it would have been a portapotty in five minutes.

    1. I’m glad you found your girl!! Gus’s collar lasted all of two hours, it’s gone, but at least he’s chipped should he get turned over to the pound by some dumb neighbor.

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